On Not Blogging...

So the past two weeks I've either been sick or been dealing with lots of sick people.  First Madison got sick, which was no big deal.  ... Until Lily got it.  And Mike was away on a business trip and so I had to deal with the two of them being sick all week.  And -then- when Mike finally got home he got sick within 12 hours of walking through the door.  So then I had to deal with the girls myself more after already having gone crazy and slept every possible second I could.  Today is the first day where I actually have energy to think of something other than wanting to sleep, and... gotta be honest, I think I'd rather be napping.

I have so many projects I'd like to start, or projects I'd like to finish and I don't really do much of anything at all.  Maybe one of these days I'll get my shit together and actually go through with all of the things I promised myself that I was going to do, like get back into this blogging and start taking more pictures.

This weekend we're going out to Long Island for my father-in-law's birthday.  I'm hoping that one of the nights that we're there we can go out and do something.  It's been awhile since the two of us have had a child-free night out of the house.  ... actually, I think it's been over a year since we've had a child-free night out of the house.  We don't get out much.  I'm looking up movies and the only one that looks interesting at all is This Means War.  Got great reviews from people that saw it, but horrible reviews from critics.  At this point I'd sit through War and Peace on the big screen to have a moment out of the house with nothing to think about other than the story.

Been really into roleplaying in what free time I do have recently.  I find that the text based RP keeps my creative self going and helps me interact, which I don't do often with the kids all day- especially when they're both home sick for a week.  Helps me cope with the fact that I'm a slave to youngin's.

You know what I can't wait to do some day?  ... Sleep.

That'll be the best day of my life.

Here's a video of Lily being adorable.

Fishheads. (On Hallie.)

I browse facebook every once in awhile and get extremely disappointed when I come across people that got to know my best friend in her last year of life better than I was able to in that time.  A little over five years ago, my best friend ever took her own life and it hurts on a daily basis that I hadn't been there to help her go through whatever it was she felt was so bad.  I hope on a daily basis that my children could have even an iota of her creativity and free-spiritness.  They'll never know the one that is in most of... if not all of my great childhood memories.

I wonder if they loved her like I loved her.  If they still care and think about her hurt on a daily basis as I do.  Though then I realize it doesn't matter if they did, or if they do...

Twice I've almost named daughters after her, but thought it'd be too painful of a reminder.  Though sometimes I still think I'd love to have a little Hallie running around.  Maybe if we ever have another.

I read her livejournal every once in awhile.  Just sit there and read every entry that she wrote.  I wish I was there.  I wish I could have just been her friend the way I should have been her friend.  I mean, I don't beat myself up over it.  We went different ways after making different friends... I did all I could to try and keep in touch, but it just didn't work.

I remember the time I got a call from her drunk at one in the morning.  I ran around the block and down the street to her house to find her on the floor singing showtunes.  I remember going to her brother's (who is also gone now...) room and screaming at him for letting her drink that much.  Him and his friends being generally idiotic and unhelpful as I tried to drag her up the stairs by myself and get her to make herself throw up the liquor then put her in bed.  Her telling me that she loved me and that we were always going to be together.  ... That was one of the last times that I saw her before she started slipping away.

I keep wanting to go see her mother.  Though the one time I stopped over, I don't know if she was genuinely busy or just trying to get me to leave.  Maybe writing a letter.  I have no idea what I'd say though.  It's something I think about a lot.

... This entry won't end with anything clever or witty, despite the fact that she'd probably be disappointed by that.

Hallie Waters-Dashevsky

On Tough Choices

Tali enjoying what little we have of the 'great outdoors' in
our home.  ... little does she know the plant is a fake!

So I posted a few weeks ago in one of my first entries about the kittens that Mike and I acquired through stealing them from the mother who birth to them under our deck.  We ended up with two of them in our house, and they didn't like us all that much.  I was fine with it going, "Ohh, they'll come around."  Well, Tali had a few lumps in her belly, so I brought her to the vet afraid that she somehow got pregnant at such a young age.  They assured me that she wasn't pregnant, but they were swollen nipples and I should separate her and the other cat immediately so they didn't have little Lannister incest babies.


So, Scrappy goes in our room and we let her run around the house with Ramus.  Scrappy hides in our room all day anyway.  ... Scrappy is going to have to stay in there for weeks until they can get fixed.  ... That's not fair to Scrappy.

So- this is when we have to make tough choices.  Tali is -such- a purr/cuddle monster now that her scaredy cat brother isn't there to hold her back anymore.  Even as I write this she's curled up in my lap purring away like a damn motorboat.  Ramus has once again become unfamiliar with him and was hissing at the door earlier.  I let him in so Scrappy could get some companionship.  Ramus ate his food and left his 'mark of dominance' and that was that.  I was not pleased.  Ramus doesn't act like that with Tali at all.

So... I called the shelter.  I'm going to be bringing him there so that he can get adopted out.  I feel awful that I tried and couldn't get this cat to love us like we wanted to love him.  I'm angry that Ramus lashes out the way he does at him and if Scrappy actually wanted to be with us and love us, I'd send the dominate jerk away.  But, Ramus isn't like that with a female cat in the house and Scrappy isn't liking us at all, content to just sleep underneath a recliner all day.  Tali's doing so much better now that he's not around... and he's just a sweet adorable little kitten.  Never hurt anyone.  Sweet when you can actually get him to let you near him.  Just a kitten, but he's causing so many problems that we're forced to send him packing.  Poor guy.  It makes me feel terrible.

But, I look down at the sweet and purring Tali curled up in my lap at this late hour keeping me company and keeping me warm, and I appreciate the fact that for once I have a cat that's MINE and loves ME.  Ramus is totally Mike's cat.  And I know that some people might be reading this thinking, "GET RID OF THE FUCKING CATS!"  But I LOVE cats.  ... I love every kind of cat.  (I'd be a lesbian for Debbie if she wasn't so obsessed with running...)

Tali's even good with the kids.  She lets Madison pet her and doesn't get mad if Madison is rough and she even let Lily go after her earlier.  Lily grabbed her a bit too hard and she didn't nip or anything, just walked away.  Tali is a keeper.  ... I love my little Tali.  Her and her freakish handpaws.

... It's almost 3am.  A pity that the one time I do get inspiration to write again, it's way past my bedtime and I shouldn't be awake.

Which also reminds me of... 

This website that'll tell anyone EXACTLY how I function in a funnier way than I could ever describe it.

On nothing to say...

See?  Already dropped the ball with my plan to blog on a daily/semi daily basis.  It's been over a week since I last wrote, having nothing to say that was interesting at all.  Though, I've been feeling particularly lazy and tired recently because I've been alone with the kids a lot.  Mike's been traveling and there's only more traveling in his future, which is fine.  I really don't mind, but by the end of the day after I'm done with the kids I just want to sit and do nothing but watch movies mindlessly.  Haven't picked up a book, anything.

This is how interesting life has been:  The most exciting I've got going for me is the fact that today I'm going to attempt to buy a few pairs of pants.  I bought some a few months ago, but two were skinny jeans and... to be honest I'm kind of sick of skinny jeans.  Just need a pair or two that have a flare leg.

I can tell, the detail into which I go into buying pants at Marshall's is making you randy.

On the Kids.

Lily is so little in this pic!!

Don't get me wrong- I love my kids.  But doesn't it sound like a great idea to put them on the front lawn with a sign around their necks saying "Great Condition- $25" sometimes?

I'd totally ask for a solid $25 for Lily (I could probably get $50 if she was solely breastfed, but alas... that didn't work out).  Madison... maybe they could talk me down to $20.  She's kind of hyper and won't eat anything but cheese sandwiches.  My brother in law asked me once what she survives off of.  The first two things that came to my head were, "adrenaline and dreams."

Mike's in Miami until Wednesday and I'm left by my lonesome with the children.  I'm going to have to make a lot of playdates or something to keep me sane.  We had a playdate last night with a little boy in her class, Matthew.  It went well the entire time (I love his mom.  We apparently have a crapton in common that I never knew.  It was a great time) until the last 20 minutes where the kids got tired and got into some horrific screaming match with each other.  There were punched faces and black eyes and it just wasn't pretty.  They sounded like an old married couple.  In love one moment, hollering the next.  We made them hug and despite that Madison kept huffing and crossing her arms on the steps saying she had to cool off because she was so angry.  A great time though- we'll just have to wait to see if they're still mad at each other in school today.  I plan on warning her teachers beforehand.

I'm going in early today for a meeting with her teacher Ms. Edwards.  She's a super nice teacher and I love her to bits, but I feel like I've been flaking out this year just a little bit and she's going to call me out on it.  For example, last week I was completely thrown off on what day it was and for some reason I thought we were always a day behind.  So when Friday came and it was time to hand in homework I didn't have her homework in the folder.  We always DO it.  I dunno.  I feel busy.  I'm not all that busy.  ... Well, I am.  I've never been good with school at all and I'm having this terrible feeling it's reflecting on Madison.  It's just pre-k though so I'm sure I'm just psyching myself out.  I just really don't want her to struggle the same way I did.  We'll see how the meeting today goes.

Lily is so squirmy.  All she wants to do are things she's not supposed to do.  She wants to go where I don't want her to go, touch what I don't want her to touch.  I don't remember Madison being so squirmy.  Madison would just touch toys- wouldn't bother with anything else.  That might be because we didn't have anything to bother with though now that I think about it...  I'm not used to this!  I've only got two hands- it's hard to keep her in line!  Especially with how much of a nut Madison has become.  I feel bad resorting to my pack and play a lot.  I take her out as much as possible when I have full time to dedicate to keeping an eye on her.  She crawls around like a madwoman and I'm pretty sure she's going to figure out the walking thing soon.

Speaking of children- I should get them ready for school.  Madison's sitting on the couch wearing a penguin towel she refuses to take off.  She somehow thinks it's acceptable to go to school wearing nothing but a towel.  ... I'm going to have a lovely few days.

On Inspiration.

You ever sit around for years and years waiting for your muse to kick in, only to find it's not coming anytime soon?

I want to write so bad.  I even started a novel that Michael thinks is hilarious.

Unfortunately any spare time I have is spent vegging out on the couch like a zombie, or mindlessly killing things on WoW.  The kids are exhausting.

Of course... I am writing this... I could write something else?  ... nah.

The only thing I feel inspired to do is take a nap.  (Aren't you so glad you're reading this?)

I do know that I feel most inspired to write when I read, and I haven't really been doing any reading recently.  I suppose it's the fail part of owning a nook.  If you don't charge it, you don't read.  It's been sitting in my bag for weeks uncharged.  My friend Angela was nice enough to send me some books that I really want to read.  I just need to stand up and grab the cord to plug everything in.  ... I'll do that now.

And this folks, is the beauty of blogging.  I actually got my cord and nook.  And they're plugged in and waiting to go.  Though, during that time I also had to bathe some children and make food.  ... This is why I can never get anything done.  Even this short blog entry has been open for over an hour waiting for me to finish it.

... and now I see there's something horribly wrong with my nook. The light is green for fully charged and it's been plugged in for 15 minutes.  That's not right.

And look at that- the books I got sent don't work.  I need to convert them to PDF's and that always screws with formatting.  ... THIS IS MY LIIIIIFE!

www.girlswithslingshots.com

Girls With Slingshots is one of the greatest things ever.  I've been a comics fan for as long as I could remember.  Calvin and Hobbes was one of the many things that made Sundays awesome.  My mom would buy the Far Side Gallery books and I'd go nuts over them.  Thanks to the internet, now I can get a daily dose of comics.  I link this specific one today since it reminds me of Mike.  It makes me realize that his workers probably hate him about 90% of the time.  "HEY GUYS IT'S 9:15!  LET'S HAVE A GREAT DAY!"  

I always thought about writing my own webcomic, but I lack something called artistic talent (drawing wise, anyway).  All of the artists I know are busy doing their own little things and I doubt would have any interest. I do have one project in the works with the artist that worked on Mike's christmas present.  I just completely flaked since I can't find the cord for my external HD and can't get the files I've already written to her.  ... There's something else to be proactive about today.

And because of one blog entry, I've become inspired to do a few things today.  ... All of them involving me actively finding cords.  

And- as a send-off.  A list of webcomics that I read.

Girls With Slingshots

Least I Could Do

Oglaf (Usually VERY nsfw.)
All New Issues

These are the comics that have stuck with me.  There are more that I've browsed and are good, but somehow haven't been added to my daily check.

Barely Listening - This was in my weekly rotation until they stopped updating.  It's a good idea to read what's up there though.  It's pretty great.
Looking For Group - Being the huge nerd I am, I always expected to get into this one.  Unfortunately I never have enough time to get through the entire thing so I'm all caught up so I get like... 30 comics in and give up.  If you have the time though check it out.  It's good.
Something Positive - Another comic I've read some of, but not all of.  One day I'll get through it and all caught up.
Sheldon - This one is good!  I keep forgetting to put it in my bookmarks bar though so I forget it exists until times like these.

Revamps.

So, for the past few months I've been wanting to completely revamp Madison's room.  This want was multiplied recently when she stopped sleeping in her room.  She kept telling us she didn't like it.  So, now it's bright pink and we went out and bought her a brand new awesome bed.  I'm working on fixing it up, so it's not able to be taken pictures of yet.  I'll def. post them though when I have the room ready.  I hope by tomorrow I finish setting everything up.



The day after Christmas my friends Marco and PT helped me fix up Mike's office upstairs.  It was Madison's old room when we first moved in, so it was very mish mash as an office and the walls were mint chocolate chip green.  Here are some pics:

Pretty awful, right?  Well- after two days of painting, building, and drilling, we came up with this:
(Click the pics to see them bigger!)

 Doesn't it look awesome?!  Took a lot of work and a delirious trip to Ikea (thanks to Marco- for without him the final result wouldn't have looked nearly this awesome...)

Right now I have so much extra furniture.  I've got Madison's old bed... I should keep it just incase, but I've got so much stuff in my house I kind of just want it out.  I'm sure I could sell it on Craig's List or something.  I've also got Mike's old desk which is in perfect condition.  I just hate when people say they'll come pick this stuff up.  I don't like people in my house that I don't know.  And I'm sure as hell not carrying it out for them.

Anyway- off to finish up my house.  I got a new mattress and pillow for us the other day too.  I love the memory foam mattress... but the pillow- not so much.  I think I need to return it.  My neck is killing me.  :(  That could also be the fact I painted Madison's room by myself in 3 hours.  ... Maybe one of these days I'll be able to sit and relax.

Friday the Thirteenth.

I used to think I had terrible luck on Friday the Thirteenth.  Then I realized that the reason I tripped and fell that one time breaking my Grateful Dead necklace was because I was a) clumsy and b) was being punished for wearing a dead-bear when I had never listened to a Grateful Dead song.  ... I still haven't to this day.

Then today... well, today has been good so far.  Nothing in my house has flooded.  Lily just took the most epic nap -ever- that she's still taking (she's been asleep since ten... she's just starting to wake up now at 1:30.)  Tonight I'm going to get super fat and make my mom's 4 cheese mac and cheese.  I used my googlefu to find the recipe.  Having good friends over.  Can't go wrong.

And... there's going to be yet ANOTHER Friday the 13th in 3 months.  Lily's first birthday will be on Friday the 13th, so it can't be all that bad.

Not sure what I should do for her birthday this year... what do you do for a one year old?  It's not like she's got friends to invite or anything.  For Madison it was easy- we just had a BBQ- but it likely won't be very warm in April.  Maybe I'll just have a dinner at my house.  I can do that.

Someone today on facebook brought up the topic of 'holier than thou' moms.  AKA- bitch moms.  ... I have certainly encountered some of these recently.  Not some.  One or two.  I try not to be a bitch mom.  I have been known to 'vent' over some things, or blantantly call people stupid when they're doing something obviously awful.  I'm a firm believer in we all know what's best for our kid.  ... There are sometimes where that can go too far though.  A parent can firmly believe that dunking their kid in the toilet will get them immune to germs and that's a bit too far.  I was super pro-breastfeeding with Madison, but I can understand why it's not for everyone and I won't bash someone that can't/doesn't want to do it.  Some people let their kids cry it out.  Some parents don't.  I won't say any one way is right or wrong.  There are known benefits to both.  Anyone that will put someone down for doing it their way is obviously a big meanie.  I mean- there are parents that do things that I -really- don't agree with, but I don't tell them that.  Maybe if it's brought up in a flowing 2 person conversation I'll ask about it or something, but never blatantly tell them that they're doing it wrong.

I just wrote out a huge rant about a mom that blatantly told me I'm doing something wrong (according to her pediatrician) and then three weeks later ranted about how she wasn't going to listen to her pediatrician about something (something that is a health risk for her kid if she doesn't listen).  But- I'll skip the rant.  Some mothers just like to think that they have all of the answers and aren't afraid to tell you and blow off other's suggestions.

None of us have all of the answers.  And to quote GlaDOS- We do what we must, because we can.  And here's a huge nerdgasm moment- I found this gem while looking for the song... if only the people would stfu so we could hear Felicia!!

I need to go back to stalking Holly on facebook now.  Peace out.

Mastering the Meatcake

Over the years, I've been attempting to perfect the meatcake that's found on this site here:  Black Widow Bakery

Here are some pictures of the meatcakes.

The first meatcake.  I made it real quick.  It was a good start.

Marco said, "Chives!"  So here are chives.  This meatcake was
dubbed my 'best meatcake ever.'  It gets -better.-

Inside of that dericious meatcake.

My next idea.  Loaded mashed potatoes for
the outside.  This was by far one of my
greatest ideas ever.  I also upped the meat
quality.  93% lean.  It made the meatcake
all the better.

Again, this was also dubbed my 'best meatcake ever.'  This
one has sour cream mixed with scallions, then piped
decoratively on the cake.  The mixture made it have a new zing
that wasn't achieved with the ingredients separately.  

So, do you want to know how I make my delicious meatcake?  Here you go:

• 3lb 93% lean beef.  You don't HAVE to use lean beef, but it does make a difference in the taste.
• 2 Eggs
• 2 cups italian bread crumbs
• 1 pack lipton onion soup mix
• 1 box (2 packages) Betty Crocker Loaded Mashed Potato mix
• 16oz Sour Cream
• Scallions (a few to chop up)
• Chives 
• 1 1/2 Cups Shredded Cheese I use cheddar, but you might want to mix it up.
• 3/4 cup Ketchup
• 1/4 cup Light Brown Sugar

Meat:

Pre-heat the oven to 350 degrees.  In a large bowl, mix the beef, eggs, bread crumbs and soup mix.  Throw some of the scallions in there if you'd like.  Mix it all together evenly and then split it into two or three, depending on how many layers you want.  Put them into rounded cake pans.  Then place pans in oven for about 30-35 minutes.

To top this lovely creation:

• Make potatoes according to the directions on the box.  
• Chop up the scallions and mix them in with the sour cream.  If you want to pipe the mixture on in a decorative way, cut the end off of a plastic bag and put the mixture in it.  No piping bags needed here!
• Mix the Ketchup with the Light Brown Sugar.  

1. Meat on Plate
2. Spoon on the Ketchup Mix
3. 1/2 cup of cheese
4. Meat*                               *Steps 4-6 if you're using three layers of meat.  Otherwise, skip to 7.
5. Ketchup Mix*
6. 1/2 cup Cheese*
7. Meat
8. Mashed Potatoes
• I find that the best way to apply the potatoes to the cake is to put on some latex/vinyl gloves and to press the potatoes on.  It's much more efficient than using a knife and it'll get into all of the little cracks and creases.  That way you don't need to waste meat by cutting off the edges and you'll still have a nice round cake.
9. Toppings any way you see fit.  
• Sour Cream Mix
• Ketchup Mix
• Chives
• Cheddar Cheese

This easily feeds six people.  It's not super expensive, and it's really neat!  It's become a birthday tradition at my house.

Photo by PT Fernicola

Next time I plan on using food coloring and piping on words with the mashed potatoes too.  I think that'll be pretty neat.  I did that on one of the meatcakes, but I can't find the picture of it.  I'll be sure to update you fine folks when I get to it though.  I'm guessing this'll be for Marco's birthday in March.  We look awful in this picture btw.

Have a good idea for my meatcake?  Feel free to post in the comments.  :)

On Writing.

It's so hard to be original now-a-days.  For example, I had an idea called Mother Zombie that I wanted to do for so long.  I started writing it.  I made a blog for it.  Advertised it on my twitter.  I didn't have the follow-through with it though.  Now, I go on facebook and since then someone has done the same exact thing.  I'm thinking of doing it again now, but expanding it.  I pitched the idea to a few people to get some artistic help.  We'll see how it goes.

I also pitched an idea for a professional blog to get paid on.  Not a ton of money, but a little money is better than no money.  Also, if I get some experience under my belt I'm sure I can turn it into a career, having two blogs (one personal, one professional) to put on a resume.  Get more work elsewhere.  Blogging is something I was always interested in, but with the kids never felt I have the time.  For example, look.  I didn't post for the last two days.  Way to go me.

It's hard to think of ideas that aren't already done.  The internet makes things so available that I feel that there's not much room for original thought anymore.  Even if it is original, it's so easy to find out that fifty people already had the same idea as you which would make it seem like you copied.  I've always wanted to be 'internet famous' since I don't have much to offer off of the internet, but it seems that other than being well-known in a few roleplaying communities it's going to be very hard to get something going for me.

I've thought of a few ideas.  Maybe one of these days I'll be able to get the ball rolling.